Solitude
Solitude is one of those things that tends to elicit a clear response. Some people crave time when they can be alone. Others do all they can to structure their time to avoid being alone. If they can't find someone to share their space, they turn on a radio or television to push back the sense of loneliness. While I am talking about being alone, I'm not talking about being lonely. Solitude is being alone without being lonely.
Solitude is the positive counterpart to loneliness in which social isolation has negative consequences physically, emotionally and spiritually. Solitude is typically chosen, while loneliness results from being alone against our will and wishes. For our purposes we will consider solitude to be a voluntary exercise which frees one from the obligations and influence of social relationships.
Verses like these make it clear that Jesus both practiced solitude Himself and encouraged His followers to do likewise.
- Matthew 14:13 Now when Jesus heard this, he withdrew from there in a boat to a desolate place by himself. But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns.
- Matthew 14:23 And after he had dismissed the crowds, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone
- Mark 6:31 And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat.
Solitude has many benefits. It frees us from the tendency to be affected by others. Even when we try to not let this happen it does. Merely having someone else within earshot inhibits us from praying aloud, for example. Solitude also frees us from the pathological aspects of our need for other people. Some of us have never met ourselves. We have let other people define and identify us to such a degree that we don't know who we are unless someone else is nearby to tell us.
When I talk about solitude some people react negatively because they think of the pain of loneliness in their lives. This spiritual discipline allows us to embrace being alone without feeling lonely. It teaches us to be secure alone with God and to develop an intimate friendship with Him. Solitude will also provide opportunities to learn what it means to “wait on the Lord.” This encompasses two ideas associated with the word wait. We'll learn to wait in the sense of waiting for the bus - it's being in a state of readiness for His presence. We'll also learn to wait in the sense waiting on tables - it's being engaged in service. But the focus here is spiritual service to God more than material service to people. Finally, most people find solitude an absolute necessity to discover the reality of God’s presence. There is a wonderful role for fellowship in our lives, but there is also a place for quiet intimacy with God which is not shared with anyone else.
Here are a few practical suggestions to get you started in your practice of solitude. Like all of the disciplines, you'll have to be intentional about this. Opportunities rarely presents themselves unbidden.
- Find a place where you can be alone. Not only should it be a place without people, it should be free of potential interruptions, so no communication devices.
- To start, schedule a time to go to that place. I'm not asking you to be legalistic, but if you're anything like me, you'll have to be firm with yourself. Our culture is geared to busyness. We accept it. We expect it. We respect it. You'll be bucking the trend to do this.
- Once you've successfully spent a few hours entirely alone with God, follow the instructions on the shampoo bottle - repeat.
- As you develop your taste for solitude try taking a 3 or 4 day retreat by yourself. There are retreat centres that offer opportunities for this. Other options include tenting in a provincial park, or in the back field of a farmer friend. If the idea of being that close to nature doesn't appeal to you and you have the resources, book a few days into an economical hotel.
- In between your planned times of solitude take control of intrusive media devices by turning them off for specific periods as you are able. While some professions require people to be "on-call," much of our tendency to be available 24/7 is generated by our sense of our indispensability.
- One last suggestion, intentionally look for intervals during the day when you can have some private, quiet time to regroup and refocus on the spiritual significance of your life. If you can't find anything of spiritual significance in your life, ask yourself a question or two.
The website of the Swedish Medical Center includes this list of ten symtoms that indicate the need for some solitude.
| - Irritability | - Anger at those closest to you |
| - Nervousness | - Not wanting to do things you normally want to do |
| - Fatigue | - A feeling of being overly-intruded upon |
| - Confusion | - Shakiness |
| - Lack of energy | - Tight breathing |
I can't think of aby better advice to deal with this list of issues than the words of Jesus I quoted earlier. Remember the disciples were coming and going at such a hectic pace that they had no leisure time at all, not even enough to sit back and enjoy a meal. In this pressure-cooker situation, Jesus told them "Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while." It doesn't get better than that.
Ron Hughes
© June 2008
