Changed by Love
The other day, I encountered the story of a brilliant woman. Her intellectual gifts were staggering. Her creative output included more than 25 novels. She was a philosopher and in high demand as a public speaker. She was a free thinker and a free spirit and she was terrified of anything that might set a limit on her. For example, she greatly feared the loss of her intellectual prowess in old age.
Something she said repeatedly, grabbed my attention. She would tell people, "You just have to accept me the way I am." This would be followed by an explanation of how she could not accept external boundaries which would limit her self-expression. This even extended to the men in her life, to whom she explained the necessity of their accepting her other lovers.
I found myself torn as the story unfolded. We all have a deep desire to be loved as we are without being called on to change for others. This is characteristic of self-love which seeks to experience and express oneself completely freely. Yet, at the same time, we know that the experience of deep mutual love does change us. We adjust our thinking, our values and our behaviour as our love relationships develop. I kept asking myself, whether this woman I was learning about ever experienced mutual love, even with her husband, or were they both in love with the same person - namely, her.
Literature abounds with both true and fictional stories of men and women who, when touched by love, are changed by it. These characters do not fear and seek to avoid this change. Often they embrace it, allowing it to shape them positively. They are ennobled by the process, made better than they would have been if they had protected themselves from giving and receiving love.
All this made me reflect on how an authentic relationship with God changes us. Anyone who is touched by the love of God is changed by it. We cannot avoid that. To experience deep human love changes us, how much more divine love, untainted by weakness, need, or self-interest.
When the Bible addresses this matter of being changed by love, it uses an even stronger word. It speaks of transformation. In Romans, Paul calls on us to cooperate with God in the process of being conformed to the likeness of the Lord Jesus by telling us to stop being conformed to this world, but to be transformed by the renewal of our mind so that we may be able to discern God's purposes for us. (See Romans 12:1-2)
Later, he assures us that this deep change does not depend on us. He uses the idea of a mirror reflecting the image of the person standing in front of it. The more we gaze at Christ, the more like him we become. Gradually, we "are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit" (2Corinthians 3:18 ESV).
Finally, he gives us the assurance that this isn't just some subjective spiritual experience which is rather ethereal, hard to attain and impossible to measure. He explains that we are not merely "earthlings," we are heavenly creatures waiting for the Lord Jesus Christ to "transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself" (Philippians 3:20-21 ESV).
It is tragic when, in desiring to preserve our sense of self, we fail to enter into the transformation which God intends for us. I'm not talking here about conformity to human enforced standards of spirituality which abound both inside and outside of the church. I'm not talking about denying ourselves in the surrender of our sense of identity, but rather finding out who we truly are as we embrace what God means for us to be individually.
When we find ourselves saying "You just have to accept me the way I am" and using these words to resist knowing who God intends us to be, we may find that not only do we shut out the possibility of being changed by His love, but also the possibility of being touched by His love.
Ron Hughes
© April 2008
